The QC Report

Fight the Power

2012-02-01T23:33:00.000-08:00

Consort has opinions about my cat-blogs. Or, rather, he has one opinion; upon coming in to the office and finding me writing, he'll sneak a glance over my shoulder and sigh "Oh. CAT-blog." With the seasoned ear of someone how has spent over a decade and a half parsing Consort-speak, I can tell you what this means: "Quinn, my presence here in the house prevents you from being the genial

One for the Money, Two For the Show...

2012-01-24T13:33:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong to admit that the "Ting!" of an incoming email mostly makes me flinch? An email usually brings: 1) An obligation I had forgotten about, 2) A payment request which, when filled, will improve the quality of my life in no measurable way or 3) Pictures of animals who, if not adopted by me, will die. DIE! BECAUSE OF ME! All unpleasant surprises. So you can imagine my delight when

The Day the Music Died

2012-01-18T15:04:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't been over to Wikipedia today, or Reddit or, well, Cute Overload, you might not know about the big fight taking place in DC over the future of the Internet. I know, I know, it seems terribly inside-baseball and more than a touch geeky, but it's potentially devastating to those of us who create, and take pleasure in other's creations, online. I'm not saying there isn't a need

I Want Your Sex

2012-01-11T00:29:00.000-08:00

An old-fashioned mother would say something like "You don't call, you don't write." My busy, cosmopolitan mother merely noted that I haven't blogged lately. I explained that was because it's hard to blog when you haven't actually finished a thought in your head for several weeks. For as far back as I can remember I've longed to be described as useful. Candidly, I also hoped for leggy, tawny,

Everyone's Dancing Merrily in a New Old-Fashioned Way

2011-12-15T08:56:00.000-08:00

I had a great aunt, now gone, who wrote the best Christmas letters ever. The card would arrive and I'd grab the nearest object which would theoretically be used as a letter-opener and go at it. Sometimes I'd use my index finger and get the expected paper-cut without complaint, such was my excitement. And there would be the letter, in all its unremitting glory. This woman was lovely and cheerful;

Sugar, Oh Honey, Honey

2011-12-09T13:38:00.000-08:00

Every winter, Consort and Daughter make cookies together. And then Consort and I eat them. So in solemn commemoration of when I could fit into my skinny pants, I offer you all the best recipe for Hermits I've ever found. Say after me; It has nuts and raisins in it, so that's healthy, right? Ingredients 2 cups flour (plus a little extra, if necessary) 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 3/4

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

2011-12-01T13:42:00.000-08:00

First and foremost, I have FINISHED MY REWRITES ON THE BOOK! Not only that, but I DID NOT BREAK MY STREAK AND MADE MY DEADLINE! Yes, it’s a geeky thing to be proud of, but when your entire childhood was a never-ending version of the same academic song, “Quinn has no self-discipline and doesn’t budget her time well,” it’s nice to be able to define myself as The One Who Makes Deadlines, Often With

Soul Survivor

2011-11-21T11:48:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, when it was warm outside, I had taken the kid and a friend to the beach for frolicking. They were frolicking and I was doing my version of frolicking at the beach, which is sitting in the shade and answering email. The youth-director at our church, Josh, had put out a request that any parent with some time and, dare I say, a calling do a little volunteer work this liturgical

Right Here, Right Now

2011-11-07T12:48:00.000-08:00

At this exact moment, I should be doing the final rewrites of the book, using the smart and considered notes I've gotten from people far more intelligent and literate than I am. So, I'm here. I'm here because, frankly, here is better than there. There, with the manuscript, is staring at things I've written, and rewritten, and mulled over, and polished, and rewritten, and gotten notes on, and

Talking to Myself

2011-11-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

Thank you to every single person who wrote a comment on the previous blog. Your words were bracing, heartening, and just the right amount of profane. I could rent you out, en masse, to bloggers who feel unappreciated. I foraged around a bit on Blogger to see if I could close comments on only a single post and not the others; let "Marion" rest in peace and keep my comments for every other post.

Even Downtown, Voices Carry

2011-11-01T14:43:00.000-07:00

Readers, I need you to help me decide something. About a month ago, a blog of mine ran in a magazine. It wasn't the entire blog, just part of one. And it wasn't a great blog to begin with. Of the 550 blogs I've written, it was my 550th favorite. But the magazine chose it and they bought it. I offered to write them another one, such was my innate suspicion that this wasn't going to end well for

And Makes the World Taste Good

2011-10-26T13:22:00.000-07:00

I don’t know how you all spent your weekend, but Daughter and I spent four days in Utah. It was one of those uniquely last-decade-or-so adventures. For the last year, she’s been taking classes online with the same group of kids, and she’s gotten really close to one girl in particular. This girl invited Daughter to stay for the weekend with them in Provo and I was invited as well. Then it got even

Can't Escape Slave to Love

2011-10-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

About three months ago, Daughter and I arrived someplace early for a class. This isn’t surprising, because I’m pathologically punctual and ever since we’ve started home-schooling, I’m so eager to hand Daughter off to more competent hands that I arrive anywhere academic early. Usually we spend the extra half-hour or so getting Daughter a snack because she hasn’t eaten since we left the house ten

I Know What I Know, If You Know What I Mean

2011-10-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

I'm guessing that in your life, there's a person you call if you want a recommendation for the most romantic restaurant in your nearest city. Perhaps there's another person you call if you need to find a kidney doctor for your aunt. Possibly, if you have a wide-enough range of friends, you have someone you can call to make that certain troublesome person in your life disappear, if you know what

Every Girl Crazy 'Bout a Sharp-Dressed Man

2011-10-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

Imagine this. It's midday. The child is learning. The Consort is off discussing arcane things. The dog has a little gas. I am doing what I do to stave off domestic entropy: Swiffering. Out of nowhere, possibly while cornering a gopher-sized lump of spent fur, a thought explodes in my head: "Where's Squee?" [Squea used to be Anne of "AnneandDiana," but she is chatty and eventually became known

She Blinded Me With Science

2011-10-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

A friend is doing at study of identical twins and Alzheimer's disease. If you have a family member affected, reach out to her at JSteuer on Twitter. If you know a family, could you pass this along? Let's make the Internet useful.

The Lady of the Flake

2011-09-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

When one donates blood at the Red Cross, they have the most wonderfully subtle and, I suspect, effective system for allowing people to recognize their own limitations. When you arrive, you fill out this paperwork and you say no, you haven't done anything which would compromise the integrity of your blood in the past ten years. No IV drugs, no unprotected sex with strangers, no buying packets of

You're An Education in Yourself

2011-09-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

Cross-posting from the new education blog. I'm referencing myself! This either makes me modern or lazy. http://learningdangerously.blogspot.com/2011/09/youre-education-in-yourself.html

No Pills Gonna Cure My Ill

2011-09-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

So, dog goes in for his cortisone shot, because he's itchy. But we can't just have cortisone, because he hasn't had a check-up for over a year, he must also have a check-up. While there, the vet notes his teeth are disgusting, which isn't good for his health so we book in a teeth-cleaning, but because he's an older man, he has to have a blood-panel first. All on the blood panel looks well, except

Dry Town

2011-09-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

Quite a few birthdays ago, Consort asked me what I wanted. I trilled, “I know it’s expensive, but I’d really love a drying rack!” And then Consort ran away and fell in love with someone who wasn’t the dullest person on the planet. The end. Please understand, I didn’t just want a drying rack, I longed for a drying rack. Clothes which don’t suffer the indignities of the dryer last longer and

Marion the Librarian

2011-09-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

If you're coming over from Good Housekeeping, filled with outrage about how mean I was to America's librarians, please hear me out. The original story was over 1500 words. Good Housekeeping edited it down to 500 words. I did not edit it. Good Housekeeping edited it. What was originally a story about how I got into a silly power struggle with someone over something which didn't actually

A New Day

2011-09-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've developed a bit of a case of bifurcation. One side of me is the Standard Quinn, the one who discovered this morning Diana the long-haired cat is getting kind of lax in grooming the old southerly regions and promptly rescheduled her day to include cat-bathing. And possibly cotillion for cats because, honestly, I shouldn't have to remind her of these things. But the other side of me

'Tis Something By Your Side to Stand

2011-09-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

I'm re-running this one, because maybe I just attended this wedding again. The names and some details have been changed to keep people from having to have uncomfortable moments. The kid was at sports and my friend, Laurie, was shopping near the athletic field so a spontaneous tea-date happened. I arrived a few minutes late and found Laurie sitting next to a very large package with a fetching

Tone-Loc(o)

2011-09-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

Question for the ages: How can you love someone so much you cannot imagine your life--the good bits, the bad bits, the trips to the hardware store bits-- without them, and you know in all ways they are the better person but every once in a while during a discussion they can have a tone of voice which makes you want to score their larynx with a fish-fork? Please understand me; Consort is

Guess Who's Back, Back Again

2011-08-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

THE BOOK IS DONE!!! THE BOOK IS DONE!!!! THE BOOK, PRAISE BE, THE BOOK IS DONE!!! Okay, not exactly. I have a few more obsessive little polishes to do before I hand it in to my editor and then she’ll give me notes and I’ll get emotional and defensive about her notes and then I’ll whine around the house for a bit and actually do what she suggested, but THE BIGGEST PART OF ACTUALLY WRITING THE

Everything About It Is Appealing

2011-08-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

Something Stupid

2011-08-04T12:26:00.000-07:00

You know how you download something and the first 97% downloads in four seconds and the last 3% takes so long you bequeath the download in your will? That’s what writing this book is like. In the book’s defense, it might be going faster if I didn’t keep doing this: “I need to confirm that statistic. Let me just grab it online at this beneficial but dreary website. Let me just take a little break

The Summer I Might Have Drowned

2011-08-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

(Waving "Hi!" at everyone) As of today, I have exactly one month in which to finish my book and hand it in. Between the book and driving Daughter to all the places she's attending camps so I can finish said book, I've been a little busy, But know that you're on my mind and I eagerly await writing for sport again. The pets send their regards.

Mad as Rabbits

2011-07-12T21:04:00.000-07:00

So, yeah. The rabbit. To the surprise of absolutely no one, he’s still here. It is a fact of life that nearly everyone who wants a rabbit already has one. One person kindly wrote in to the blog after the first rabbit-entry and put me in touch with a person who actually wanted a rabbit. We spoke. She seemed lovely. But she was two hours away and I felt morally obligated to do a home-check without

A Wish is a Dream Your Heart Makes

2011-07-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

Blah, blah, blah. It's all about me and my needs. Me. Me. Me. Which is my ham-fisted way of saying I need your help. I'm eager to have voices we don't always hear from in the homeschooling community in the new book. I've spoken to so many fascinating people and believe me, even if homeschooling is nowhere in your life or on your radar, I think these stories are going to captivate you. You

The 1% Solution

2011-06-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

Every Day I Write the Book

2011-06-09T18:35:00.000-07:00

In parallel with the book I'm writing, I've commissioned a study about attitudes with regards to homeschooling. The more participants we get, the more relevant the data becomes, which is where you come in. We are particularly interested in hearing from homeschoolers, especially those who have graduated, but anyone with a dog in this hunt with regards to education is highly encouraged to

I've Got to Hand it To Me

2011-06-07T21:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Men of Power and Repute, Did you note how I called you “Men”? This is because I know you are, each and every one of you, male. You are not female. With highly rare exceptions, you possess both an X and a Y chromosome. Your voice is probably, but not certainly, lower than mine. You have an Adam’s apple. You have quite a few things because you are male. And lately I’ve become very concerned

Nothin' But a Hound Dog

2011-05-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

Up to my hips in book-stuff, but I'm having the best time creating collective nouns for dogs. I started this a couple of nights ago on Twitter, when someone Tweeted they had been lovingly mauled by a group of six pugs. I decided there was a better name for a group of pugs. After some thought, I declared a collection of pugs is now a bumble of pugs. This was satisfying and better than doing my

It's the Food

2011-05-07T22:09:00.000-07:00

When I asked for questions, the lovely Robin Raven asked me to follow up on something I had Tweeted recently about veganism. The story goes like this: I haven't eaten meat more than ten times since I was fourteen. Eggs, yes. Milk products, yes. Fish, no. Nothing with a face. [Although I should clarify I eat Peeps.] I do this for a couple of reasons. Reason one is that I never much liked meat

Deep Thought

2011-05-07T16:06:00.000-07:00

Happiness is not an exceptional tweezer, but owning an exceptional tweezer increases the odds of a happy life.

Patrick Thomas Dwyer 1964-9/11/2001

2011-05-01T20:48:00.001-07:00

Tonight, I run this for him. I participated in the 2,996 Project, for which 2,996 bloggers volunteered to write a memorial for one person who perished in the attacks on 9/11. Patrick Thomas Dwyer, 37, Nissoquogue, NY. Bond trader at Cantor Fitzgerald. Left behind a wife JoAnn, a son Brendan and a daughter Sarah, who were five and three at the time of their father’s death. When Patrick was

Don't You Know Everyone Wants to Laugh

2011-04-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

I want to thank everyone who participated in the Help Quinn Think of Something to Write tour. If I didn't get to your question, it wasn't personal. Trust me, I'll get to it the next time the muse sticks her fingers in her ears, hums, and refuses to play with me. I know what I'm writing next and this elates me. One last question, because it was a question which comes up in some variation every

The Naming of Cats is a Difficult Matter

2011-04-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

Robin Raven asked several questions, including a really interesting one which might be my ticket out of the writing doldrums. Today, however, I'm choosing the easy ones because I'm suffering from an Easter hangover, which involves no alcohol whatsoever but possibly has something to do with having five meals in one day and all of them surrounded by great lashings of candy. What are the top 3

King of the Road

2011-04-23T19:04:00.000-07:00

Wootini asks: So did the hair dye actually kill the lice? Would you ever consider relocating and, if so, where? Re: Lice. So far, yes! And we're praying telling this story about Daughter has caused only "My mom sings loudly in the car when my friends are there" psychic damage and not "My mom hits on my friends" psychic damage. Since with the exception of ninety days when I was 31 I've never

Walkin' on the Sidewalks

2011-04-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

Char asked: You found $10 on the sidewalk - movie, book, or something else? I would buy two magazines. They would both be fashion. This is ironic because my nearly my entire wardrobe right now is not only unfashionable, it appears to be worth about $10. But I hate what clothes I can justify buying and magazines are filled with warming moments where I pretend I need Resort Wear and high-heeled

A Thing of Shreds and Patches

2011-04-21T18:42:00.000-07:00

Deb asked what my current favorite toe-tapping song is. I'm sure there is one, but I have an ear-worm of such relentless fury that I cannot hear anything over ALL THE INNER SINGING. That song? "Wandering Minstrel," from The Mikado by Gilbert and Sullivan. Laugh it up, you naifs. If you had a child who really liked Gilbert and Sullivan and you were just so very grateful it wasn't Ke$ha that you

Hey, Mama

2011-04-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

Buckeye Annie2 asks: I totally live a very similar life and can offer some lovely canned beets for the food drive but not much in the way of advice even though I have somehow raised my kids to Teenagedom oh wait you wanted me to ask a question so I'll ask a real stumper: How are YOU behind all that mama-ness? What a good question to begin with, because lately I've had the most wondrous sense

Questions, I've Got Some Questions

2011-04-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

Here's how my head sounds these days: AUGH! The laundry needs folding and the rabbit needs greens but the blog stands here looking at me plaintively and I really ought to get something written down only I'm up to my hips in everything and the book wants writing and the child should be educated while the blog still stands there looking at me plaintively and I must wash the cats and do the drops

He's a Rebel 'Cause He Never Ever Does What He Should

2011-04-06T11:50:00.000-07:00

So, yeah, the rabbit. He's been here a week now. Until two days ago, I began all conversations with "You want a rabbit?" To absolutely no one's surprise, not one single person has responded with "DO I!" During the day, he runs around our yard; at night, I put him in the dog-crate and place him in the garage so he won't be eaten or even bothered by nighttime yard visitors. He has hay, fresh water,

Hoppin' Down the Bunny Trail

2011-03-31T08:27:00.000-07:00

In my childhood, one of my nicknames was St. Francis. We weren't Catholic. I rarely wore brown robes. I earned this nickname because all animals flocked to me, especially the ones who weren't entirely certain whom to call "Mom" or "Can opener." It's still true. In my world, stray puppies inch under my table and only my table at outdoor restaurants. Cats jump into my car when I'm washing it in the

I Found a Million Dollar Baby in a Five and Ten-Cent Store

2011-03-29T09:55:00.000-07:00

I do something odd. Yes, of course, I do many things which are odd and that is why people either really like me or let my calls go to voice-mail, but we shall speak of a specific oddity today. Lately, I looked entirely too happy while doing chores around the house. Emptying the dishwasher or putting clothing on the drying rack rarely brings out small private smiles and humming unless you’re

Now I Don't Claim to be an A Student

2011-03-24T08:26:00.000-07:00

I promise you, this is the last book-related blog post for a while. But when I looked down at the side of my bed, I noted there were no fewer than eleven books on homeschooling and American educational policy. Some of them are written to appeal to and enlighten the masses. The other nine are written in a typeface last seen on a book in a dollhouse and allude to even more books I'll have to buy,

You're Livin' In the Past It's a New Generation

2011-03-21T21:39:00.001-07:00

Daughter wandered up to me a few minutes ago."Today," she noted, "you were either organizing tax paperwork, or writing a questionnaire or talking to the phone company.""Also filling out your camp forms and spending a half-hour finding your vaccination records," I said, yawning, "but in a few minutes I'll be done and then I'll relax, just fold a little laundry and watch that documentary I've been

Here I Go Again

2011-03-16T08:45:00.001-07:00

It would appear I'm about to write another book.Thanks to Kate Garrick (the wonderful agent I have because of the incandescently glorious Jen Lancaster) and the lovely people at Penguin, I'm going to write a book about our first year of homeschooling, contrasted against the larger homeschooling community, a place which is wider, more fascinating and in some cases much weirder than most outsiders

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

2011-03-05T08:53:00.000-08:00

PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET AND OUTLYING AREAS: Before you forward an email with a threat to our health or a Muslim plot or a cunning way to bring down gas prices or a whimsical story of how the phrase "It's raining cats and dogs" came into being, could you do me a favor?Please?Go to snopes.com. Ignore the flashing ads and the pop-ups, they're really quite awful, but snopes will provide you the great

Shining, Gleaming, Streaming, Flaxen, Waxen

2011-02-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

I beg you, if you haven't yet, read the previous blog. It's disgusting but a little illuminating. Otherwise I'll make less sense than usual.When last we checked in with me, I had looked down at my daughter’s hair and noticed a certain citrusy hue. The next morning brought daylight and hard truths; my daughter was the color of a clementine. More alarmingly, she was an inconsistent clementine,

A Home for the Fleas, A Hive for the Buzzing Bees

2011-02-16T10:22:00.000-08:00

The following story was cleared by Daughter before being published.One afternoon back in December, Daughter was studying with her math tutor and I was doing what I do when she’s being tutored, which is find horoscopes online and choose to believe the ones which tell me next month will be very profitable for Leos. After her hour was up, she walked out looking ashen. I assumed this had something to

We Have a Winner!

2011-02-07T15:58:00.000-08:00

But, really, everyone is a winner. Here's the first chapter for those who aren't currently eagerly anticipating their very own autographed copy. Everyone, thanks so much for playing. You pleased Sara and me no end. And we won't even mention how happy the cat was.

It's the Luck of the Draw, Baby

2011-01-31T11:36:00.000-08:00

About a year ago, I did a Q-tea in which I raved about Sara J. Henry's Learning to Swim. Then, because I'm not completely heartless, I recommended a book you could actually get in the store at the time. And at no point did I say "Needer, needer, I'm one of those people who gets books early. Let us all bask in my insiderness."A year has passed, which shocks and confuses me. And on February 22,

It's My Birthday, Too

2011-01-27T15:52:00.000-08:00

Next week will be the sixth anniversary of starting the blog. I'm almost reflexively unsentimental, but I did look backwards this week and noted how in the earliest blogs I was less mesmerized by toast and didn't understand where to place periods with regards to quotation marks. I'd correct those but that seems disingenuous and you know I'm nothing but an ingenue.The traditional presents for the

I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie World

2011-01-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

As I’ve mentioned before, I love the Planet Money podcast. For those people who haven’t listened (i.e. the uncounted masses cooler than I am), this is a podcast dedicated to breaking down ungainly economic problems and theories into bits even my brain can contemplate. Whether it’s doll-houses standing in for

Dark Globe

2011-01-16T19:19:00.001-08:00

Fun fact about my family; we have only one television. Usually, this doesn't matter, because one person can DVD on a computer and one person can watch something about dinosaurs on the TV and I can hide in the bathroom and do a crossword puzzle. But sometimes we come to cross purposes.Tonight is such a night.The kid spent the better part of today doing homework. She did it with something

The Stage is a World of Entertainment

2011-01-11T19:24:00.000-08:00

You know you’ve waited too long to write when your mother calls and says, “Are you okay?” Yeah, it’s 2011, I’m a grown woman (grown enough so that the AARP keeps sending me some version of Save the Date cards) and my mother is reminding me to write to my friends on the intertubes.Lots of stuff going on around here, but nothing to talk about. And stuff I can talk about is about the kid and I won’t

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy

2010-12-27T18:44:00.001-08:00

Headline on the cover of the Los Angeles Times today:Foes say blasphemy law open to misuseIt would seem my local paper has been bought by The Onion.

This Little Light of Mine

2010-12-13T12:44:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up this entire year with one animal-related anecdote.Back in October, a friend called; her cat had brought in a baby squirrel. She guessed it had fallen from a tree. The squirrel appeared to be unmarked and healthy enough to exhibit a profound indignation at this turn of events. Did I have any ideas about what to do with a miffed, baby squirrel? In fact, I did. I called Kate, the woman

I Love to Take A Photograph

2010-12-05T00:48:00.001-08:00

Whatever your holiday of meaning is this month, may I make a suggestion? You have relatives around; bring out the photos and make sure every one is tagged with names, year, location, whatever will help someone down the road figure it out. You think they're all done? I thought all of ours were done and I just found a woeful little boy and two youngish women in a black-and-white picture, way down

I Don't Bother Chasing Mice Around

2010-11-26T14:33:00.000-08:00

To the lady sitting outside the bookstore with a cat in a Santa hat sitting in a stroller in front of her,Thank you. You have given me the gift of a knowing expression for the next few weeks when I answer someone, "Oh, no. I'm not a crazy cat lady."

Come Ye Thankful People, Come

2010-11-25T23:31:00.000-08:00

Consort has just reminded me that he is unrepentantly male. I ask you, has any woman ever been heard to joyfully exclaim, "Yes! 'The Godfather' just started! That's how you end Thanksgiving."So true. Because nothing says Recognition of striking out on our own and infecting native people with smallpox quite like a turkey sandwich and watching Marlon Brando talk around cotton balls.

Make Me Wanna Holler

2010-11-21T12:46:00.000-08:00

I want credit for the not-screaming I just did. I was standing in a local pet store, buying one of the endless accessories my Nothing-more-expensive-than-a-free-cat cats require, when the door opened. First, a very large Staffordshire Terrier came barreling past me with a woman following him. I say him because well, he was very "Him-ish," if you know what I'm saying. We made small talk. I learned

Lick Be a Lady Tonight

2010-11-18T15:59:00.000-08:00

I just realized I've never told you all my favorite "Kids do the darndest things and sometimes don't die" story. Here goes;A friend of Daughter's was born in Manhattan and lived there for the first few years of her life. One day, when she was not quite a year old, her father took her on the subway. For reasons I'm sure he kicked himself over ever after, he put her down on the floor for a

Silent Night

2010-11-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want to thank everyone who participated in my little trip down Elderly Lane. I thought one answer would stand out, be the obvious winner, but I'm saddened and gleeful to say that many, many of us are far more mature than I had suspected.I do, however, hold a special warm place in my heart for "I have to go home and take my pill."Now, on to new business. It's silent-auction season.

Many Years From Now

2010-10-30T09:13:00.001-07:00

This week, I said something to Consort.I know, I say lots of things to Consort but most are things I've already said and usually revolve around whether he's done with that New Yorker so I can get rid of it.(He's not.)But this week I said something to Consort which, upon hearing myself say it, led me to understand that I am never going to be young again. Never again will there be gaiety or

Charlotte's Web of Lies

2010-10-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

When Daughter has to make her bed, she has two default responses:1. This bedmaking of which you speak is terribly boring.2. This bedmaking of which you speak is terribly hard.Personally, I prefer Response #1. I prefer that because she knows I view "Boring" as an obscenity and it's fun to watch her dance around the word without actually being able to use it and because on some level I agree with

Three Deuces and a Four-speed and a 389

2010-10-21T11:15:00.000-07:00

Epiphany of the day:The way I felt in my 20's about tall, skinny, pale, shy, lapsed-Catholic boys is how I now feel when I look at a picture of a Chevy Volt.An electric car is the new cute boyfriend.

Imagination, It's Funny

2010-10-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

I'm oddly, nerdily proud. For the first time in life, as far as I can recall, I created a simile. I even Googled it, to make sure I wasn't inadvertently plagiarizing someone.So, here goes:As dull as a stranger's funeral. That counts as the high-water mark of my intellectual prowess today. Then again, those hairbrushes weren't going to clean themselves.SIGH.I'd better go before I get as dull as a

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2010-10-09T13:27:00.000-07:00

So, we had a houseguest for two weeks. We have a small house and the floor space is limited so it's not a place for extended company but he was a remarkably easy guest. He stayed in his room, was very quiet, didn’t object to my watching “Sons of Anarchy.” He even brought his own food though, in truth, I could have done without a fortnight of opening my fridge to a plastic jar of “Meal Worms.” It

Big Distraction

2010-10-03T19:46:00.001-07:00

Add three pets and a home-schooler and this is my life. Which explains my work output.

I'll Be There For You

2010-09-29T15:57:00.001-07:00

Blog coming, but I had a moment today I thought you'd enjoy. A friend and I caught up through Tweets. I 140 charactered the high points of life, and then it was her turn.She responded, Part-time roommate is great (has a chain saw & removes dead mice). Sometimes, Twitter makes us shallow. And sometimes it makes us even more brilliant than usual.

Bad to the Bone

2010-09-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

Today, we’re inaugurating a new column, Bad Advice from Aunt Quinn. On occasion, I will take reader questions about the frustrations of the modern age and I’ll answer them in a way all but guaranteed to get someone arrested or send their credit score into the 200s. For our first question, we hear from J, a charming and nearly solvent writer living here in Los Angeles:Dear Aunt Quinn,How many

At the Library

2010-09-08T16:07:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I'm back! Look at my tan! I'm very rested, thanks for asking. I hope you like the fall motif around here. You didn't notice? Look again, it's very subtle. Hint: I used a mallard and elk fabric print to cover the cushions on the couch. I like to keep it seasonal around the ole QC Report. Wait until you see the singing Santa I'm going to plug in at Christmas.I wish I could say "And so much

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

2010-08-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

Yep, I need a break. Have a lovely last gasp of summer and I'll see you after Labor Day.

Got To Be Real

2010-08-11T18:17:00.000-07:00

(It's a little different than what I usually write. I hope you like it.)FROM: Head of Programming, BravoTO: Production, RHOLPSUBJECT: Episode 2 rough cut.We continue to be very pleased and excited about “The Real Housewives of Los Pulgas”. The houses look wonderful, the girls have great chemistry and none of their children are grossly overweight. Just a few notes on next week’s episode:- Whoever

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad (I'm Really, Really Bad)

2010-08-09T12:07:00.001-07:00

A few days ago, I was trawling through the old lingerie drawer, grabbed a bra and I thought, “Oh, I have to do laundry.” And then I thought, “Why do I know I have to do laundry?” I realized I had to do laundry because I was holding the Bad Bra. This bra was bought many years ago at Victoria’s Secret, and it promised me it could be worn up to, if I remember correctly, six ways. And, technically, I

The Mystical Divinity of Unashamed Felinity

2010-07-29T17:29:00.001-07:00

Conclusion I have reached after several heart-stopping moments recently:Cat toys which become favored by cats and therefore spread throughout the house take two forms. They look exactly like something once living and now dead, if spotted out of the corner of your eyes. Or, if you get up to go to the bathroom and the room is dark and you aren't terribly clear-minded, they feel exactly like

I Want You to Show Me

2010-07-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

Someone smallish asked me recently to define "Love."I stalled, "You mean what a parent feels for a child?" thinking Please don't be something we can't cover here in Rubio's Mexican restaurant. "Love in general," she responded, "what does it mean to love someone?"I chewed and I thought. Do I mention that I would die for my daughter without a second's hesitation? No, because that's the kind of

Bell Bottom Blues, You Made Me Cry

2010-07-16T12:05:00.000-07:00

I’ve been meaning to do a Q-Tea video for weeks now but life has had other plans. So, because I can do it myself and don’t need someone to hold the camera, I humbly present Q-Tea in the written form.Or, as it is also known: a blog.Last month, InStyle magazine had a huge fashion article entitled Denim A to Z. I’ll give them their due, they did use every letter, even the pesky Q and the “What do

Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly

2010-07-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think that if there’s an intelligent life force at the helm of the universe, it knows I’m very stupid. It’s the only explanation for how sometimes things ARE SPELLED OUT FOR ME. SLOWLY.When I was in my early twenties, I dated someone who was slender and intelligent and didn’t care for me a whit. He wasn’t mean, he certainly wasn’t abusive, but whenever he looked at me he had the

Make A Circuit With Me

2010-07-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

A confession: when Consort explains what he does for a living, it all sounds like this to me. Just add the phrase "Net Present Value," and I'll tell you, it's another evening around Quinn and Consort's house.NOTE: Consort just saw that someone asked if he worked in mortgages. He got ashen. While I'm allowed to tease him no end, we might have reached a limit. He wants everyone to know he works in

Left Its Vision While I Was Sleeping

2010-07-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while Swiffering (AGAIN), a line came to me as if in a dander-infused dream. Quickly, I Tweeted it because I was alone in the house and the cats weren't sufficiently impressed-(Sung to the tune of "Sounds of Silence")Hello Swiffer my old friend/Will shedding season ever endSo @Emilydesjardins wrote back a couple of clever lines. I challenged anyone to finish the song in fur-format.

First Star I See Tonight

2010-06-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

It's the Circle of Life and it Moves Us All

2010-06-28T12:23:00.000-07:00

About a half hour ago, a baby bird made its maiden voyage out of its nest in our back yard. I didn't see it land but it must have been a doozy because the bird is now hopping around with its head tilted way over to the side; I'm guessing it's a broken neck. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do; can it live shaped like the number 7? Doubtful. Is the death going to be protracted and involve

I've Paid My Dues, Time After Time

2010-06-28T08:02:00.000-07:00

Just a quick thought. After reading all the comments which came in after Not Screaming Day, I've decided each year there will be a Queen and King of Quiet, a person who will be noted far and wide for the not-screaming they are doing. There might be a hat involved.We don't have a King yet, but without hesitation I declare Jakarta Rocks as our Queen of Quiet. Please go read her comment under "Make

Someone To Watch Over Me

2010-06-23T14:35:00.000-07:00

I hate summer colds. I hate them because they are stupid and because they are unnatural. We aren’t supposed to have summer colds. You want evidence? They’re called summer colds. We don’t call the others winter colds, or fall colds, or spring colds. A summer cold is like coming into someone’s living room in July and finding a fully decorated Christmas tree. It’s wrong and it’s weird and it makes

But They're Cousins, Identical Cousins All the Way

2010-06-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

The ingénue-cats have earned a new nickname; they are the causins. Yes, I can spell; I’m still pretty certain they were littermates. They are the causins because there is no better answer for anything they do besides “Cause."Why is Diana eating the side of the bed? Cause.Why did Anne spend fifteen minutes wedging herself between a closed window and the window-screen, which sent her into a

A Whiter Shade of Pale

2010-06-17T11:18:00.001-07:00

I was applying my usual spackle of SPF 70 when Consort came in the bathroom. Silently, he observed the process which is not unlike watching someone ice a wedding cake. Finally he said,"Watch out, I can see some of your natural skin around the crook of your elbow."The olive-skinned ones are attractive but mean.

Make Me Wanna Holler

2010-06-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to get specific about my morning but it's already been very long and very filled with activities shaped from the womb to be incredibly annoying and soul-abrading.Okay, one hint: No fewer than two separate organizations developed computer glitches which didn't show my last payment. Only after much sitting on hold (and being disconnected twice from one) was I able to prove that I was

In a Land Called Fantasy

2010-06-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

It's come to this. Whatever rich inner fantasy life I once had, I just spent many happy minutes reading my friend Danny Miller's blog and putting myself in the story. Was I basking in the glory of his son who fought so hard to be here and is rewarding his parents with the best disposition ever? Well, sure. Go over there and tell me Charlie Miller isn't the exemplar of joy, the avatar of bliss.But

You Are the Only Animal Who Can Think, Who Can Reason, Who Can Read

2010-06-06T19:10:00.000-07:00

A replay of an earlier Q-Tea because my lovely friend Sara's book is now available for pre-order.http://tinyurl.com/29z2k7a

Someone's in the Kitchen, I Know

2010-06-04T18:05:00.000-07:00

I am Woman, Hear Me Roar

2010-06-04T08:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not pleased to admit this, but Consort and I watched the season of "The Real Housewives of New York." I dislike these women heartily and plunge into an existential crisis every time I finish watching an episode. And yet I never miss a week of bad behavior and liberal lashings of Pinot Grigio. Last night we were watching the final feces-throwing contest- I mean, episode, and I wondered aloud

Child of Nature

2010-05-31T15:40:00.001-07:00

In My Room

2010-05-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I was Swiffering the house - more specifically our bedroom - because it's spring and we have entirely too many pets whose new life-plan is, apparently, "Shed until bald." Because I was doing something which involved movement the two half-grown cats had to supervise and occasionally swat the Swiffer.[I just noticed "Swat the Swiffer" sounds like a code-phrase for one of those things

Don't Know When I'll be Back Again

2010-05-24T10:22:00.001-07:00

Actual conversation from my actual house this morning:We're going somewhere. Daughter has been sent off to get ready. I'm all about autonomy these days, so I supervised none of it. She apparated in the kitchen, fully dressed.QUINN: Are you ready to go?DAUGHTER: Yes.QUINN: So, your bed is made?DAUGHTER: No.QUINN: Teeth brushed?DAUGHTER: No.QUINN: Face washed?DAUGHTER: No.QUINN: Bag packed for

Maid Marion On Her Tiptoe Feet

2010-05-21T19:43:00.000-07:00

Today I attempted to ameliorate or possibly avenge the Van Halen Consort has brought into my daughter life. Today, May 21st, shall hereafter be known around here as Skinny British Boys day. Elvis Costello, Bryan Ferry, XTC (Let's declare Andy Partridge to be two skinny British boys) and Squeeze. I ended with "Pulling Mussels (From the Shell)" because it's just about the bounciest song ever.